document.addEventListener( 'DOMContentLoaded', function() { Assuming that the average lifespan of all these people was 25, there has been around 2.7 trillion years of life, if we multiply this by the number of days in a year (365), there is a total of 985,500,000,000,000 . Why did the chicken cross the road? 12. 21 Funny Comebacks to Use When Asked Awkward Personal Questions Oinkment. "Are you gay?". Tap To Copy. Article continues below advertisement. Keep up with Mlanie on Instagram, Twitter and melanieberliet.com. Sucka who? Did you know you can actually listen to the blood in your veins? Criminally Funny Lawyer Jokes. Well. Theyre clean, effective, and will leave the person asking the question wondering what just hit them. Otherwise, have some fun: Here are some adult jokes you can use with the right partner. If a woman sleeps with 10 men shes a slut, but if a man does it Hes gay, definitely gay. It needed help figuring out its problems. That's it for now! This obviously isnt working out. Knock Knock Whos there? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake. 21. What did the daddy ghost say to the baby ghost? 47. A four-chin teller. 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes that will make you laugh Make your friends and family cringe with these god-awful jokes By Finlay Greig 17th Jun 2020,. "Close the door, I'm dressing!". What do you call a pudgy psychic? A pouch potato. I hope Death is a woman. Get ready to laugh with this Valentine's-themed joke: How did the orca ask the other to be their Valentine? Re-Morse code. They both have an ability to misfire. You know we always have the funniest jokes up our sleeve, whether youre searching for short jokes, corny jokes, or even bad jokes you cant help but chuckle at. Here's your ultimate list of 100 plus why jokes and puns that is sure to tickle your ribs. Answer (1 of 77): @Danny Margulies "Did I ask you?" * No, but maybe you SHOULD have. Whats the difference between a penis and a bonus? Check out these other why did the chicken cross the road? jokes for more laughs. 14. 37. After all, its tempting to put people in their place when theyre being needlessly rude, especially if you think theyre wrong. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. To. Your mind might want to dance, but your body is a really awkward white guy. The bartender shows them the door and says, Sorry, we dont serve minors.. A chicken sees a salad. Explanation: This works on a couple of levels: as wordplay (genes vs. jeans) and as scientific fact (genes can determine body shape). What did the leper say to the prostitute? 70 Hilariously Funny Jokes - Absolutely Hilarious Jokes to Tell One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?" Now get ready to make some memories filled with laughter with these 70 hilariously funny jokes! Wanna hear two short jokes and a long joke? What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? An atheist, a Crossfitter, and a vegan walk into a bar. A little horse. A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are in an elevator. A trip without kids. Why did the candle quit his job? I'm so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed! What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb on Valentines Day? 38. What did the man give his fianc, a card enthusiast, when he wanted to propose to her? I hate it when I go to hug someone really sexy and my face smashes right into the mirror. Jokes for Kids 2022 | Beano.com. 126 Stupid Jokes That Are So Dumb They're Actually Funny - BuzzFeed 154 Funny And Best Dad Jokes You've Never Heard 2023 - Ponly Light travels faster than sound, which is why people like you appear brightuntil they open their mouths. "You're looking sharp. Always remember: Youre just as unique as everybody else. Because, as mentioned above, the question implies that the question asker does not care about what the person they asked it to has to say. Original don't care + didn't ask. Well, they're not laughing now! If you would like to change your settings or withdraw consent at any time, the link to do so is in our privacy policy accessible from our home page.. If you loved this, youll get a kick out of these dog puns. What did the one lesbian vampire say to the other? See ya! Gardening Jokes + Printable Cards. When you have an app or website open in Chrome, ask Google Assistant to help you complete tasks, like finding a video to watch or searching for a message. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Whos there? How did the hipster burn his mouth? You won't stop laughing at these 10 jokes! | Articles | CBC Kids "Make me one with everything." 2. If youve ever been in situations where you say something, and someone says, did I ask and you dont know how to respond, these did i ask comebacks will serve you well. So theyd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Whos there? 27 Best Replies To "Did I Ask You?" (Funny & Clever) Later they get together. Why do bees have sticky hair? What did one hat say to the other? Just another reason to moan, really. Where does the general keep his armies? These are some responses you might want to keep ready in the back of your mind. Things they would quickly admit are wrong to say, or that they shouldn't have said. But that's not all. What's the best smelling insect? Making it very clear that the question asker was being rude. The batroom. Broomates. You wait here, I'll go on ahead. "That . Sorry, I'm still working on it. Nobody asked you, either, but it seems that we all have to listen. He was in a jam. 3. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Why are teddy bears never hungry? They left a sweet note on my windshield that said "parking fine.". Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. So why wouldn't we embrace any chance we have to giggle at a joke? A friend of mine went bald years ago but still carries around an old comb. Her face was flush with love. Some mornings I wake up grumpy, on others I let her sleep in. Explanation: Gathering dust (and other dirt) is a vacuum cleaners sole purpose. Once you open it, you realize its half-empty. Explanation: By themselves, the musical notes C, E-flat, and G are simply tones, neither major nor minor. Privacy Policy. By the bark. Condoms have evolved: theyre not so thick and insensitive anymore. What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Because you should never drink and derive. If you see me laughing, its because I already have. Why do vegetarians give good head? Dont forget to bookmark these hilarious what do you call jokes for future laughs! Shes going to eat me! Explanation: Once he hits zero in the countdown, its all negative numbers from there. A nervous wreck. 31. These wisecracks are seriously hysterical. You know youve got a high sperm count when she has to chew before she swallows. They went up by a, Two cows are grazing in a field. Short Jokes That Are Genuinely Funny: 1. 12 / 102. Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister.". Check the 2nd part of "Funny, Stupid & Hilarious Jokes" . Beano Jokes Team. Dress her up as an altar boy. 100+ Hilarious Jokes No One Is Too Old to Laugh At, 146 Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes Guaranteed to Crack You Up, 80 Corny Jokes You Can't Help But Laugh At, 183 Jokes for Kids That Provide Good, Clean Fun. Why are you listening if you dont know who asked? Hey, havent we metaphor? In addition to the 70 jokes below, we've also got .css-k807px{-webkit-text-decoration:underline;text-decoration:underline;text-decoration-thickness:0.0625rem;text-decoration-color:brandColorSenary;text-underline-offset:0.25rem;color:#006603;-webkit-transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;transition:background .4s ease-in-out,color .4s ease-in-out;background:linear-gradient(to bottom,#e6f4e1 0,#e6f4e1 100%);-webkit-background-position:0 100%;background-position:0 100%;background-repeat:repeat-x;-webkit-background-size:0 0;background-size:0 0;}.css-k807px:hover{color:#29511A;text-decoration-color:border-link-body-hover;-webkit-background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;background-size:0.625rem 3.125rem;}dad jokes, jokes for kiddos, mom jokes, and jokes for holidays that you can share them with the youngest person in the room. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. The third guy ducks. I wonder how many people are in that field. "Why the big pause?" asks the bartender. 1. Why did the cowboy get a wiener dog? list jokes 'poker-jokes-that-are-sure-to-crack-even-the-toughest-poker My midget friend got thrown out of the nudist colony because he kept getting in everyones hair. 10. Why are YOU shaking? What do we want? An impasta. Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. 31 Jokes About Work That'll Make Even Your Boss Laugh - Distractify "Ouch! 2. Because they are so lavable. But hay, its in my jeans. short for? Explanation: This ones full of nods to music: Chopin and Bach were composers, and a minuet is a type of dance (and the music that goes along with it). The actor is still close with some of her onscreen family. Because their horns don't work! 5. Descartes replies, I think not and promptly disappears. The sooner I shoot you, the sooner Ill get out of jail for it. A penguin in the washing machine. The attorney tells the accused, "I have some good news and some bad news.". Because they use a honeycomb. If a man talks dirty to a woman, thats sexual harassment. Dont worry, said the doc. Low flying airplane noises! He didn't have the guts to ask anyone. 40. 30 Hoover Jokes & Puns Guaranteed to Make You LOL, 40 Moustache Jokes That Are A Cut Above The Rest, 30 Best Gnome Jokes & Puns Kids Will Love. Got a PS5 for my little brother. Have fun with some of these. Its a win-win! One thing led to another and the lifelong question was answered: it was the chicken. The more you play with it, the harder it gets. What did one pig say to the other on Valentine's Day? Knock knock. or, the ultimate classic, Knock knock? Alright, are you ready? 33. It usually confuses people first time hearing it but that's the point. Just stare blankly at the person who asked you that and say nothing. You might enjoy: 50 Dirty Comebacks and Insults to Win Every Argument. By following these tips, youll be able to handle the who asked question like a pro and keep the conversation going despite it. Dinner's on me. There just arent as many people who believe it. How to roast someone who always say 'Did I ask - Quora Your opinion is very important to me. Im not sure how I feel about masturbation On the one hand, its pretty great. 9. Did you fall from heaven? How can you tell its a dogwood tree? Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. Cause your face looks kind of funky. He wanted his quarter back. The farmer had cold hands. Robin who? 125 best Dad jokes 2020: cringeworthy, funny and downright bad jokes You boil the hell out of it. What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? Because the queen reigned there for decades. Im taking this shit to a whole new level. Explanation: A rhetorical question is one thats asked in order to make a point but doesnt require an answer. To Who? To get to the other side. Take my advice its not like Im dumb enough to. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right side of the bed wakes up and says, Wow, I had this mad dream I was getting a hand job. The guy on the left side of the bed has also woken up and says that hes had the same dream, too. Next time someone asks you, "who asked," or "did I ask" use one of these clever comebacks and put them in their place. Person . Im pretty sure I married someone elses soulmate. Because it was a little horse. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? "I'm not sure; I was born with them.". Explanation: A Buddhist whos one with everything is connected to the universe. Did you hear about the new restaurant called Karma? Because below, we've put together a long list of the funniest jokes the internet has to offer. The bear shrugged. You know there's no official training for trash collectors? } What do you call a bear without any teeth? He pasta-way. Here's the URL for this Tweet. Family Matters actor Marie Jo Payton details an on-set disagreement with Jaleel White. You come across as a person who has low self-esteem and is embarrassed to ask anybody for anything, for the fear of being refused or rejected again and again, so I did it on my own and to stop you from becoming a spectacle. Watch the video: Only 1 percent of our visitors get these 3 grammar questions right 28 Best Replies To Hmm (Witty & Clever), 29 Best Replies To Hey Handsome (Witty & Clever), Funnier Or More Funny Comparative & Superlative Forms, 25 Best Comebacks To Suck My D*ck (Witty & Clever), 9 Other Ways to Say Im Good At on a Resume, 10 Polite Ways to Say No Visitors after Surgery, 11 Best Ways to Say Im Here for You to a Loved One, 10 Professional Ways to Say I Am Not Feeling Well. What did one plate say to the other plate? Neeeooooooow! Because it said Concentrate on the side of the can. Sometimes did I ask you is said in a joking manner and a funny response would be appropriate after that. I'm a helicopter! How is sex like a game of bridge? Why does bread take so long to digest? Do you love hearing jokes? I went to buy some camo pants but couldn't find any. You would not use any of these if you werent: Well, these joke are silly, but still funny: Jokes about sex are eternal. He told me to stop going to those places. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? But these clever jokes offer something special: In addition to making others laugh, they make you sound smart. Wheeeee! That really hurt!" the first friend exclaims. ", What did the swordfish say to the marlin? Why don't chickens play baseball? Knock Knock! Ivana. A priest and a nun were on a mission trip up in the mountains when a snowstorm Came up. Well, if this is what they ask, here are some examples of witty comebacks you can use: "You've got very short hair, are you a lesbian?". That was an insect. To which one of the boys replies, Im surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!. 28. Would you rather have a million bucks, or [insert name]s head full of nickels? How did the mathematician deal with his constipation? Airplane Jokes for Kids. The Best Corny Dad Jokes | Pun.me Whats the difference between being hungry and being horny? Youd better be. Watch popular content from the following creators: Aimzy(@aimzygg), jordan(@jjsshenanigans), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), jamal(@jamallxoxo), camille ;)(@111camillee), Jafiki(@jafiki), (@user1118012706685), Bacon vs Emos on this acc(@savage.bacon68) . . The redhead says it looks like cum. You said youd be home by 11:45!, Actually, the mathematician replies coolly, I said Id be home by a quarter of 12., Explanation: Divide 12 by four, or a quarter. Watch popular content from the following creators: jordan(@jjnthatsspam), Sophia Voropaeva(@_sopha21), sam(@.samceline), Human(@_that_human_being_), jamal(@jamallxoxo) . What do you call a hippie's wife? But grammatically speaking, whom is the object of the verb to., If Ive told you n times, Ive told you n+1 times. Whats 72? Why did God give men penises? Explanation: Time is relative, especially to the entity that invented it. A bear walks into a restaurant. That way, when you criticize them, you'll be a mile away, and you'll have their shoes. Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Manage Settings I swear I wasnt lying, I was just writing fiction with my mouth again. What do a penis and a Rubiks Cubes have in common? But, first, what do people mean by did I ask you?. If you buy from a link, we may earn a commission. Robin. Urban Dictionary: Did I ask Sometimes its good to learn new things. Whos there? Sorry, this post was deleted by the person who originally posted it. What is the opposite of a croissant? 11. This is a funny response that puts the focus on the other person. If your sense of humor tends to lean toward the goofy side of things, don't be ashamed. Hearst Magazine Media, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Because the P is silent! When you die, what part of the body dies last? Between you and me, something smells. 100 Funny Why Jokes And Puns That Are Rib Tickling - Shake Jump! 4. Oh look! Why couldn't the bicycle stand on its own? When do we want them? No, but I wanted to save you the trouble of thinking for yourself. When When When When When When When. 64 What Did The Jokes to Test Your Brain | Beano.com These Why Jokes (with Answers!) Will Always Get a Laugh - Distractify Ok. (and then continuing usually does the trick). 319 Clean Jokes For Kids (Plus Random Joke Button!) Whos there? Remains to be seen. Then, use one of the above witty comebacks to shut them down! The blonde goes and licks it and says nobody in this building. Id be fine if there werent so much blood in my alcohol system. See you next month. Your mom sure seemed to care last night. Answer: Audi Question : What is the quickest way to speed . Cereal pleasure to meet you! I said you look fat in those pants. He forgot to wrap his Whopper. Two men meet on opposite sides of a river. These funny jokes will help you turn your frown upside-down. One shouts to the other, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" The other guy replies, "You're on the other side!" Clever responses are better suited for when in the company of people you want to impress. Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? He's all right now. But hilarious jokes never go out of style. Looking for some laughs today? What do you call a pig that does karate? Why were they called the Dark Ages? Once a girl looked at me and shouted loudly, I don't want to sit next to her! Privacy Policy. So youre the only one? In his sleevies. Some annoying people ask, Who asked? after you tell a story.